New Beginnings

As I write this, I am at my training in Michigan, and it just hit me that, in a week, I will be staring at this screen from the other side of the world.  As I have shared before, this realization brings with it a whole range of emotions.  But, as I think back to where my heart was just 6 months ago prior to traveling to Kenya in January, I am struck by the fact that fear is no longer one of the many emotions making its home in my heart.  I realize that I am no longer that scared little girl, terrified to spend the night anywhere, wanting to do anything and everything to hide behind others so that I would not have to step out in boldness.  And that realization brings an overwhelming thankfulness to the God who has freed me from these things, and so many more.

Even as I sit here, I don’t know why God chose me, the most unlikely of them all.  When being called to go back to Kenya more long term, my first reaction was to cry out to God, “Surely you must not mean me. Choose someone else, someone stronger and braver”.  But, in His loving and gentle ways, He slowly illuminated the writing that I realized had been written on my heart for quite some time.  The love and passion I have for Africa was given to me BY Him and FOR Him and He already has such wonderful plans to fill in each and every one of my cracks, for His glory.   And with that realization, my heart has come alive in a way that I have never experienced before. 

I want nothing more than to waste my life on Him, for Him.  I know, as I stare at the mountain before me, that this journey will be difficult, heartbreaking at times.  I also know that He never said it would be easy but, in our faithfulness to Him, our cups will be overflowing.  And with little in my hands as I set forth to leave, it is His grace that fills me with joy.  His grace that allows me to trust, one step at a time, that His plans are good, even in the midst of the inevitable sorrow and suffering that I will face.  And that is all that I could ever ask for.  As I prepare to leave for Kenya next week, please continue to pray for the ministry as a whole, direction as to what my specific role will be with the children, and for God to be preparing the hearts of the people that I will have the blessing of serving. 

I love you and thank you all for your support!

It's Just The Beginning...

Fourteen days and 51 mosquito bites later, I am headed back to the U.S..  Although, of course, I am excited to get back to see all of those that I love, I am so sad to leave this place that has become my new home.  As is the case with any place, of course there are the undesirable sides that stick out: sickness running rampant, a ridiculous amount of crime, people dying so often that there is somewhat of a hardness to it, children being orphaned every minute.  But, as I have said in each of my blogs, there is so much light in the midst of the darkness too.  And there is an undeniable abundance here: an abundance of faith, an abundance of hope, and an abundance of love.

Being here has taught me more things than I’m sure would fit on this blog.  But, the thing that I treasure most, is that the Lord has taught me what true faith looks like… 

It looks like Pamela, immediately praying prayers of thanksgiving upon seeing us because she had gone hungry the last couple days and had no idea how God was going to provide her with the food she needed to survive.  But she trusted Him, clinging tight to His promises, knowing that He would, yet again, prove Himself to be the God that saves.  And He did.

It looks like Mildred, looking back at her life and pondering how, as a widow at a young age, she was able to provide for her 3 young children and her deceased brother’s 2 kids.  All she could say was that He was the only explanation for how they had all survived from one day to the next.  But she trusted Him, clinging tight to His promises, knowing that He would, yet again, prove Himself to be the God that saves.  And He did.

It looks like David, a 16 year old boy behind bars in the children’s jail for being falsely accused of rape, asking if we would allow him to share his testimony with us and the rest of the children in the prison.  He began by saying how lost he was before he came there but that, through a local volunteer from Christ’s Hope, he came to know the Lord and the hope that can only be found in Him.  He then boldly pleaded with the children that they hold tightly to God’s words so that they may know Him in the incredible way that David has come to know Him.  He is so thankful that he trusted Him, clinging tight to His promises, knowing that He would, yet again, prove Himself to be the God that saves.  And He did… David will be released from the jail as an innocent man next week!

Oh, to know that kind of desperation, to know that kind of need, to know that kind of trust. For many of us, we know what struggling is, but we don’t have to experience such a lacking that we wake up unsure of whether we are going to be able to eat today.  And for being blessed in this way, we are very thankful.  But, on the other hand, I also see the incredible blessing of needing a Savior in such a deep and intimate way, as to be truly relying on Him for each and every breath.  I pray that, even though our lives in America look so different than our African brothers and sisters, that we come to know that same level of desperation before our Creator.  And so, as I come back home, this is going to be my challenge… to carry this beautiful posture that I have learned from these wonderful beacons of light into my daily life.  I know that this is no easy task and will include so many falls along the way, so I invite you all to challenge and sharpen me in this :)

As I have said about a hundred times (and still could not say enough), thank you all so much for your support and prayers.  They mean the world to me.  I love you all and am excited to see you very soon!

Soaking It All In

The last week has been a wonderful whirlwind; a collision of laughter, tears, disbelief, and a little uncertainty at what to feel.  We have gotten to visit and pray for patients that are sick and, for some, on the brink of death, play with and love on the cutest little kids ever, and spend some much-needed time in community, both with our American and German team members and with our African brothers and sisters.  There have been so many things over the past week  that have tugged on my heart, but one of the most pivotal moments was visiting the children’s jail.  Even just saying, “children’s jail”, makes me cringe and everything about it just made me want to cry out, “these little ones, many completely innocent, are worth so much more than these walls are ever going to communicate to them.”  From the second we turned onto the dirt road towards the jail, it was evident there was a darkness about this place.  Even the road to the jail was different than any other road, which is saying a lot.  The majority of roads (if you can even call them that) in this area are far from anything that would be even remotely acceptable in the U.S., but this road… this road had trash everywhere and screamed of the forgotten and disregarded.  As we pulled into the jail, we saw children in uniforms, many torn and tattered, but even these children, dejected from their families and society, greeted us with beautifully warm smiles and high fives.   Even though our time with them was short, there were already a few that had stolen my heart.  And, as I looked around, I started to get discouraged at how many cases needed to be heard, how many children needed to be reminded that they are so special, fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator of the heavens and earth.  But, I have been reminded that He does not call us to take on the world, He calls us to love those that He has put in front of us, one at a time.  And so, as He continues to show me what true faith looks like, I will continue to walk forward in this charge, even when I have no idea whether it’s making any difference at all.  And I will take comfort in knowing that He knows.  After all, it’s His plan anyways. 

I also have to mention another major praise report to this story.  Our team leader, Dave, said that the conditions in the jail are already so much better than what he experienced 2 years ago.  Westerners have been coming and, out of broken hearts, they have taken action at some of the conditions.  The jail now has cement floors, rather than dirt, and the walls have been painted, so it now looks more like a school, rather than a prison!  Please continue to pray for these sweet little ones, that their families would desire to bring them home and would be willing to fight to see that happen, if necessary.  And, in the mean time, that there would continue to be people that want to come into this darkness and shine light into it, one step at a time.

On a very different note, we just arrived home from a one-night getaway at a quaint little place in an incredibly beautiful rainforest a couple hours outside of Kisumu.  When we first arrived yesterday morning, I have to admit that I was uncomfortable with all of the quietness and serenity, especially coming out of the busyness of the last week in Kenya and the couple months leading up to the trip. But the Lord always knows just what we need and, often times, has to remind me that my wants and desires are not always in my best interest.  Of course, I know this in theory, but it’s sure amazing how often I have to be reminded!  Over the course of the next few hours, He began to quiet my heart before Him and continued to whisper over and over again, “Be still and know that I am God”.   Oh how much I wanted to fight against that at first, but how much I needed to hear it.

One of the things that this resort offered, was a walk through the rainforest and then hiking to the top of the highest mountain in the region to watch the sunset.   I have always been a sucker for a sunset, so I thought “sure, why not”.   Looking back now, my flippancy at what I was about to behold must have been comical to God.  The rainforest walk was beautiful and so awe-inspiring to see the thousands of different plants, insects, and animals that He had created in such a small place.  But this was just the opening act!  From there, we began hiking the mountain that we would be watching the sunset from.   As we were reaching the top of the hill, we came to a landing where we could stop and catch our breath and, as I turned around, I just as quickly lost it again at the magnificence that was before us.  Now, most of you know that I am a crier by nature, but few things have so instantly captured my heart and overwhelmed my soul in a way that my only response was to cry.  If I could try to paint a visual, it reminded me of the movie “The Lion King”, when Simba’s dad bring him out onto the ledge of the rock to view their entire kingdom and the music comes to a crescendo, leaving you in awe and disbelief (okay, maybe you didn’t feel that in The Lion King, but even the hardest of hearts couldn’t help but feel that at this sight!).  And from there, we went a little higher and watched the most glorious sunset I had ever seen.  As I sat there watching, I couldn’t help but wonder how people could not believe in a God; how someone could see something so magnificent and think that it could just be a coincidence.  And, for those of us that believe, we get to take in the overwhelming beauty of sunsets such as these, and know that it’s only a microscopic reflection of the complete beauty and greatness that we will get to experience in heaven one day.  We wanted to be able to share it with all of you (our favorites :) so we all tried to take pictures, but could not even remotely do it justice.  But we did talk about how comforting it was to know that, half way across the world, this same sun was shining its morning light on all of you.

 For all of the fear and nervousness leading up this trip, it has gone by so fast and I can now see that I am going to have to tear myself away from this place I have already come to hold so dear.  I will try to write one more time before we leave on Saturday.  Thank you again so much for your continued prayers and support. I love you guys!

Greetings from Kenya

We finally arrived in Kisumu yesterday morning!  And, although from a logical standpoint, this city should seem unfamiliar in every way, my heart can’t help but feel that there is a strange, but welcomed, familiarity to it. Perhaps part of it is the Kenyan culture, so welcoming and hospitable.  And perhaps another part of it is that I was meant to be here for this exact moment. 

Straight from the airport, we were able to go to one of the local churches for Sunday service.  Although the majority of the first half was in Swahili (so we were not able to understand what was being said), the music and dancing touches and lifts your heart in a way that few other things in life do.    I am very much looking forward to next Sunday.

From there, Desmond (who is an incredible long-term missionary from Ireland that leads the Care & Compassion ministry, caring for the those infected by HIV/AIDS) and I went to the hospital to visit the patients that Christ’s Hope sponsor there.  Nothing could have prepared me for the conditions that await these patients, at a government sponsored hospital none the less.  It is extremely dirty and there are just rows of beds in each room and, because there are not enough beds, many of the beds have 2 people to a bed.  Some of the patients are even sharing beds with others that have contagious diseases, which could potentially infect their bed mates (this can be a huge deal when their immune systems are already suppressed  because of  HIV/AIDS).  And then, once a patient is admitted into the hospital, the doctors and nurses will only take care of their medical issues (and this isn’t always a certainty) and will do nothing to provide for the basic life needs, like bathing them, feeding the patients that can’t feed themselves, or taking the ones that can’t walk to the restrooms.  They rely on the family and friends to take care of them while they are in the hospital, and unfortunately, many do not have family members to take care of them… leaving them alone and unattended, and eventually discharged because of it.  And, unfortunately medical care is often times very late.  We were able to visit one young man, Otino, twice yesterday and the second time we saw him, his health had decreased rapidly.  We were able to pray, plead really, for God to perform a miracle in this man’s life and to provide a continued strength for his aunt who had been taking amazing care of him.  We found out this morning that it was not in the Lord’s will for Otino to stay with us here on Earth, so our prayers now have changed to those of comfort and peace for his aunt.  It’s heartbreaking to watch and to know how common Otino’s story is here.

But, the amazing thing is that there are so many glimmers of hope in the midst of the darkness.  His light can be seen shining out of so many situations, like the women that tirelessly stay by their loved ones’ sides night and day to take care of them, or the ones that are there to take care of their loved one but are willing to jump in to take care of another patient that they don’t even know, simply because they do not have anyone to care for them.  We see His face in the children, smiles beaming, running up to us just to wrap their tiny little arms around us.  And He was there today, in the dozens of HIV positive patients, many crippled, speaking of God’s overwhelming love and their thankfulness for each day that He provides life for them.  And the joy, how I wish you could all experience the joy beaming out of them as they speak of His goodness.  I was reading in Psalms 34:4-5 this morning and could not help but smile as they talked, because it was such a perfect summary for so many of their testimonies:

I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
   he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
   their faces are never covered with shame

These are people that have relied on God to help them overcome the societal shame and stigma that HIV has in this area, to admit that they are sick and to begin to take their ARVs meds (for HIV) so that they can live.  And radiant is the perfect description of these wonderful people!

On a lighter note, one of my new favorite locals, Dennis, took me and a guy from Germany, Jonathan, to the Market today. Boy, what an experience that was!  It is a huge market with small little booths of people selling fruits and vegetable everywhere!  And, since there are not  very many mezungoos (white people) that come through there, everyone wanted to greet us and shake our hands and the children were either so excited to see us or had a surprised look on their faces like they had no idea what to think of us.  In fact, I walked up to one little boy to say hi and he ran to his mom crying because he was so scared of me! I asked one of the guys standing nearby why he was scared and he said because he’d never seen a mezungoo up close.  We found out later that sometimes the parents will tell misbehaving kids that the mezungoos will eat them if they are not good.  No wonder they were terrified!

As I had suspected and mentioned in my last post, both days so far have been filled with both a heaviness at the heartbreaking stories and events we are experiencing and a joyful celebration at what God is clearly doing here.  I expect that the rest of the trip will be like that as well.  Because of that, it does take a bit of digesting and does make it slightly difficult to put these experiences into words, but  I will try to write a couple more blogs while I am here so that you all can experience a part of this as well. And hopefully pictures will be on their way too!  In the mean time, thank you so much for your prayers for these Kenyan people.  We can all feel them and know that they are making a big difference.

T Minus 1 Day!

I don’t really know how this blog thing works and, to be honest, it’s a little scary and definitely out of my character.  It’s taken a little bit of an internal tug-of-war (and a few friends lovingly setting me straight) but, ultimately, God has been, is, and will be moving in such powerful ways, that I feel that it would be a tragedy not to share for whoever wants to listen :) But, those of you who know me, know that the only way that I know how to do things is to share my heart as it relates to what’s going on around me so, I am just going to take a leap of faith, and start by posting some of my journal entries…

Months of knowing and preparing for a trip to the Eastern part of Africa and it finally just hit me yesterday, I am going to be going to Kenya… and it’s coming tomorrow! And, that realization, brought with it pretty much every emotion imaginable: excitement, nervousness, fear, joy, thankfulness, and on and on.  If I can try to put a visual to this place, it’s like I am on one of the greatest roller coasters ever and I have been slowly on the incline, going higher and higher, knowing that I am about to approach something major, and yet having no idea what awaits me.  And, I am finally at that point at the top where I get to look down and, with my stomach in my throat, I realize “this is really happening and there’s no turning back now!”.

Looking back, I have felt this moment coming on for quite a while.  For the last year and a half I have felt, and shared with some of you, that the Lord was preparing me for something big, something that would stretch me in every way possible.  And boy, has He done just that.  And, for the girl that was in love with comfort and okay with a “good” life for so long, looking down from the top of the track at what lies ahead, I know that He is calling me to so much more.  My first reaction is to be like Jonah and run away, to cry out “You must have the wrong girl… you need someone who is much braver and stronger than little me”.  But then, He always lovingly reminds me that I have His Spirit in me and, because of that, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:13).  And I am also reminded that sometimes simply being willing is a victory in itself. 

I don’t know specifically what the next couple of weeks will entail.  I expect that there will be moments of great joy and moments of great sorrow.  I also suspect that He will probably use this experience to transform my heart, bringing me back a different woman than the one that will step off of the plane onto Kenyan soil in just a couple short days.  And, as with any good roller coaster, the uncertainty of it all both excites me and leaves me terrified at the same time.  But today, in this time where fear wants so desperately to creep in, I choose to walk forward, clinging to the words of Psalm 46:1-3:

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. (Psalm 46:1-3)

And, in the midst of any and all circumstances, we are called to “rejoice always” and I plan to do just that, because He is worthy of nothing less!  I thank you for all of your prayers and support, they are yet another beautiful sign of His abundance and goodness in my life. 

I would love if you’d continue to be praying for safe travels for my team (their names are Dave, Matt, Matthew, & Mark) & me.  And also that God would continue to be preparing the hearts of the wonderful Kenyan people that we will have the joy of meeting very soon.  I will try to update the blog whenever I have a willing internet connection.  Nakupenda (Swahili for I love you)!